Looking Back to Forge Forward

Hello everyone!!


I spent a little time today just going back over my posts; revisiting the: pain, changes, happiness, darkness, joy, hope, helplessness and more. I then just took a few moments to think about all the things these 2 years have brought me. It has been quite a journey and I am so thankful for the progress I have made. 

I went from working a job I hated to joining a system I actually enjoy and that I feel a part of. I also finally started progress on my social and medical transitions. looking back from today, I am amazed with how far I have come in such a short time. I just got back from MAGfest with all my friends, and I spent that whole time as me; the REAL me. We all had a great time but for me in particular, that time was all the more precious. That was another thing that happened within these past 2 years: acceptance. 

As I proceeded down the path of being the most authentic me, I started to reveal myself to people who matter to me. I had a lot of help with this step from my awesome therapist who has been with me every step of the way. "People can surprise you" she told me; these words ring in my ear just as loudly today as when she first said them. She was right, the outpouring of love I received over this decision has been mind blowing! All of the people I thought would have distanced themselves from me were all so proud of me and supportive; I am so very thankful to each and every one of you. There were also those whom I thought would accept me with no question, they were the ones who actually didn't accept me. I won't expose them and I don't hate them, but I do hope that one day they can see me and accept me. This is me and I will not stop. I refuse to go back to being someone false or living a life that just wasn't me; I won't do it. I love me, and all my support loves me too. so if I have to lose a few people who just can't move pass my progress, so be it.

I don't need you to respect me, I respect me
I don't need you to love me, I love me
but I want you to know, you could know me
if you change your mind

~ This little cut here comes from a Great show called Steven Universe; I highly recommend it.~

I've had the pleasure to be my true self around the ones who so openly and warmly accepted me; after asking them about it of course. I want to be clear that I was asking them about their comfort and not if I could be myself. So I began presenting as my true self and it has been SO liberating. The current fight is: having to limit myself when it comes to work and my toxic, small minded county. I have been living my authentic life in bursts around my support and in private. These two issues I am already considering counter-measures for and while progress is lacking, I am not giving up. Every step I take brings me closer to the day where there will be no bursts of authenticity; where I can just be my best me at all times. I won't let the progress I've had make me complacent and content; I will strive for more!! 

The journey goes on in 2020 and I'm gonna keep clear sight of my goals and aspirations! Kind of funny how looking back can help you look ahead and forge the will to push ever forward.

~Yuuseria~